Dr Santa has been extremely generous this Christmas and filled my stocking with:
The Time Out guide to walks around London. Listing, among other things, a rota of the Saturday Walking Group, with the chosen walks for the book and the dates where people get together to do them, in 2004 and 2005.
Bjork Volumen DVD. Scratched, so it’s going back to Amazon to be exchanged.
Scissor Sisters Live in Brighton DVD. Fantastic behind-the-scenes bit when a sweaty Jake Shears strips out of his costume and is towelled down by a blushing assistant before squeezing into more lycra. I am thinking of applying for that assistant’s position. My killer asset: possibly not needing a towel at all.
Scissor Sisters Take Your Mama collector’s coaster. (Note to self: next time I open a present, do not say ‘Wow! Uhm… what is this?’)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. En español. Clever Dr B.: he knows how much I want to read it (just finished the previous one), so much that I’ll plow through 700-odd pages with my less than perfect Spanish (I lack two words per paragraph on average, not too bad but it might take me a couple of years to go through it).
…a 20GB iRiver H300 series to store audio files, photos and videos, with a decent-sized sharp colour display (see image). Think of an iPod. No, better than that. Think of an iPod Photo. No, better still, think of an iPod Photo that plays videos too. And comes with a radio. And can record via a built-in, or directly from the internal radio, or from any other source that you connect it to. And connects to my digital camera without going through a computer, to transfer pictures from its memory card. And, although one does not feel like licking an iRiver as much as one does with an iPod (well, I do), when you find out what my iRiver can do you will want to have its babies.
I have already agreed on being perfectly happy with token presents for our anniversary, Valentine’s day and my birthday (all within the span of 12 days in early February).
It feels rather special to know that I’ve got all my music collection in my pocket, along with the latest holiday’s snaps and a couple of mini porn flicks to have a teeny weeny mini wank in a loo should the need arise when I’m on the move.
So now you know why masturbating makes you go blind – it’s all down to display size.