Year: 2003

hear

Do yourself a favour, brighten your day by downloading Toxic by Britney Spears, where Indian violins are crossed with flamenco guitars with a hint of spaghetti western bass overtones here and there. One note away from trying too hard. Over

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part

Having decided that my body was ready to hit the scene (as opposed to the scenery) again, I quickly emailed the Royal Vauxhall Tavern regulars / fellow bloggers I used to hang out on a weekly Sunday afternoon basis, to

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huge

Current weight: 14 stone 9.5 pounds (after morning poo). Pounds put on since yesterday: 3.5. Percentage of current wardrobe I cannot get into any more: 65. Days left to shed a stone before my reintroduction to society on new year’s

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menu

Grilled baguette slices with smoked salmon and goat cheese Joint of turkey covered with sautéed mushrooms wrapped in bacon topped with blackcurrant sauce and gravy Baby new potatoes baby carrots garden peas Vanilla icecream with mince and Christmas cake chunks

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ours

Merry Christmas! For it is tonight, and not on the 25th, that Dr Bitful and I are going to celebrate it this year. My man is going to spend it with his family in Birmingham and I’m going to stay

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tree

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lard

Current weight: 14 stone 6 pounds. Body fat: 22%. And Christmas has not even started yet. I want to cry.

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twin

Do you think a double-ended dildo would be a selfish Christmas present to your partner? Just wondering…

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beat

Today’s Most Tactless award goes to… …the nurse who gave me an ECG (yes, half the London medical profession is still trying to figure out why on earth I succumb to the law of gravity more often than the average

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belt

As of this afternoon at 3:30, Dr Bitful has become Sensei Bitful – he got his black belt in ju jitsu. Don’t even dream of messing with me. My man can kill you with two fingers.

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amps

One of my technologically challenged friends has recently clogged up my Yahoo mailbox with .wma files of Madonna mashes. Interesting stuff: Nothing Fails mashed with (I think) the Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Power Of Goodbye with the Cranberries’ Zombie,

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gone

Bitful gone mad: frighteningly close to the content of my head these days. “Crazify” any site. [via Macubu]

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grow

You’ll never get to heaven If you’re scared of getting high Kylie – Body Language – 06 – Red Blooded Woman I might be gay after all – well, I’m not surprised, since I’ve been listening to it on repeat

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poor

Warwick is a magnificent historic town in England. Its castle is one of the most beautiful in the country, and its charming streets are lined with spectacular ancient buildings. So I’ve been told – I could not see much from

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swap

Just finished watching the rugby world cup final, hoping so far in vain for interviews in the changing rooms (what, did you seriously think I was interested in the match itself?). An ad for Travelex, “the foreign exchange specialist”, sponsor

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wham

For a few months now I’ve downloaded every single file that I could find on mp3sfinder.com – without distinction, eagerly anticipated singles and unknown artists alike. The latest addition makes me hesitate though. I’m Your Man by Shane Ritchie (Alfie

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sing

I have been abducted by aliens and the outer shell of my former body is now inhabited by a cheerful replicant. Only thus can I explain why I found myself whistling – WHISTLING!!! – while sweeping the cafĂ© floor at

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snow

Club review in last Saturday’s Guardian weekly Guide: “The Egg […] starts at 4.30am […] most of them have come straight out rather than falling through the doors after a grand night in the sauce. Imagine it! Set your alarm

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babe

“My favourite baby’s names are Enema, for a girl, and Lupus, if it’s a boy.” (Kath & Kim – series two, episode two – airing tomorrow night on FTN)

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etch

If you do not ming having a random word tattooed on you, get in touch with writer Shelley Jackson, who still needs another thousand volunteers for her short story “Skin”. You can choose the body part but not the word.

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east

Sorry folks. You have to live in the UK (the real one, not Richard Curtis’ Britain), or at least have watched a handful of episodes of EastEnders to fully appreciate the picture on the right. [via Dr Bitful] Richard Curtis’

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calm

I go on and on about my failing health and nobody gives a toss. I dare mention that the pop princess might have lost her tiara and the comments flood in. Nice. I’m much better anyway. Something unexpected and beautiful

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fibs

If I told you I saw a man with dyed two-tone blonde hair, wearing black trousers with pink stitching, a lilac net short-sleeved t-shirt, a lilac vinyl vest with pink stitching and a big silver ring attached, another silver curtain

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bore

I’ve tried and tried to listen to Body Language (Kylie‘s latest) from beginning to end, but I could not stop myself from skipping mid-song in the vain hope that the next will be, how can I put this, good. Unless

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hugs

Grouphug.us: “the idea is for anyone to anonymously confess to anything.” Such as i work in a restaurant and my hobby at home is masturbation… i save my semen in water balloons and put a little on every dinner i

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sack

It’s Wednesday. It’s the beginning of the month again. My balls are shaved just in case, and I’m wearing black underwear to minimize the risk of skidmarks and/or unsightly yellowish stains. After all, what better present than a stripping friend

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road

Be afraid. Be very afraid – there’s a rented car out there with my name on it Dr B. had to rent a car to commute to work, and he added my name on the contract as a monthiversary present,

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star

Power cuts in the US and Canada, the UK (London, Liverpool, Brighton et al), Denmark and Sweden, and Italy. And the Sun keeps sputtering at us. And now there’s an openly – omigod – GAY bishop! (go Gene go). I

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sack

10 secrets of letting people go with dignity How not to fire an employee Termination tutorial How to become a great boss Tactful termination How to dismiss people humanely Unfair dismissal test Stress management techniques Overcoming depression support blog

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come

Make me happy.

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